Social Isolation Schema

What is a schema?

A broad pervasive theme or pattern.
Comprised of memories, emotions cognitions and bodily sensations.
Regarding oneself and one's relationship with others.
Developed during childhood and adolescence.
Elaborated through one's lifetime.
They cause distress to some degree.

(Young, 1990)

We all have basic human needs such as:

Secure attachments
Autonomy
A sense of competence
Sense of identity
Freedom to express valid needs and emotions
Spontaneity and play
The ability control our behaviour

When these needs are not met (based on the person or the child) there is a somatic, cognitive, emotional, and behavioural response - this is the formation of the schema. This schema then influences how we perceive and interpret future events.

Understanding our schemas helps us to understand patterns in the way the we think, feel, and behave, particularly in relation to ourselves, others and how we think about the world. Our schemas also influence how we function in relationships and how we have sex.

Social isolation Schema

Signs you have a Social isolation schema:

You think that there is something unique about you that makes it hard for other people to understand you
You often feel alone
When you are in a social situation, you tend to focus on difference between you and others
You find it difficult to build meaningful relationships
You might have experienced marginalisation/discrimination

What does this mean for relationships:

You find it hard to meet people who you are interested in
You avoid social interaction because you presume it just won’t go well anyway
Social situations can make you very anxious
You rely on your partner/s for all of your social contact

Sex can be used for:

Imagining a sense of connection you don’t otherwise have - eg. though using porn
A sense of identity expression or connection in a safe context - eg. kink community

You might:

Feel like your sexual interest or behaviour is different from anyone else’s and feel shameful
Find it easier to connect/communicate sexually with people online through community pages, forums or interest groups

Self-sacrificing Schema

Unrelenting Standards Schema

Abandonment Schema

Defectiveness Schema

Entitlement Schema

This blog post is a brief exploration of this topic and does not replace therapy. At SHIPS, we have practitioners that are knowledgeable and skilled in a variety of areas including sex therapy, relationships and more. If you may benefit from some support, please check out our website resources, or contact us.

We are also always happy to hear feedback about our blog articles. If you would like to share your experience or feel we may have missed something on this topic, please contact us to let us know.