Lets talk about Grammar & Pronouns
What you need to know about grammar and pronouns
Personal pronouns are the words we use to refer to ourselves (first-person), a person (second-person singular), or two or more people (second-person plural and third-person) instead of using names. She/her/hers and he/him/his are the pronouns commonly and historically used to indicate the gender of a person (typically, she refers to females while he refers to males). The singular they/them/their and neo-pronouns are gender neutral and gender-inclusive pronouns.
Common questions around the singular they and neo-pronouns
Isn’t the singular they a new thing?
Since the 14th century (and about 100 years after the plural they was first used), the singular they has been used to refer to a person whose gender is unknown, concealed, or irrelevant to the context. What is relatively new is the use of the singular they to refer to people whose gender identity and/or gender expression is not limited by the gender binary.
Source: Oxford English Dictionary
What about neo-pronouns? Aren’t they a new thing?
While the term neo-pronouns is new, the creation of different neo-pronouns has been around for over 200 years.
Source: Wikipedia
Isn’t using the singular they grammatically incorrect?
Some grammarians (people who study and write about grammar) have been criticising the use of the singular they since the mid-1800s. Their main argument has been that, because they started as a plural pronoun, it can’t be used to refer to one person. But you was first a singular pronoun and then also became a plural pronoun around 300 years later. “You are a very good person” and “You are very good people” are both correct. Language is not static, and it evolves!
Source: English Grammar Revolution
But the singular they and neo-pronouns aren’t really “correct” English, right?
The Associated Press, the American Psychological Association (APA), the Modern Language Association (MLA), the Oxford English Dictionary, and the Merriam-Webster Dictionary have all formally recognised and accepted the use of the singular they. And the Oxford English Dictionary added ze in 2018 and hir and zir in 2019.
The singular they and neo-pronouns are a legitimate use of language.
Source: Purdue OWL, Wikipedia
What if I don’t know someone’s pronouns?
Share your own and ask: “Hi! My name is X and my pronouns are Y. Can I check what pronouns you use?”
Reword your sentence to avoid using a gendered pronoun; use the person’s name or they/them/their until you know their pronouns.
Describe people by features rather than by perceived gender identity or expression, such as “the person in the blue coat” or “the person with the long hair” rather than “that man over there” or “that person wearing feminine clothing”.
What if I use the wrong pronoun?
Always use the pronouns that people use to refer to themselves, and don’t ask someone what their pronouns “used to be”. Repeat their pronouns in your head and/or in text to help you practice and remember.
If you catch yourself using the wrong pronouns in conversations, apologise, correct yourself, and move on. If someone else corrects you, apologise, thank them, correct yourself, and move on.
Final thoughts
Language is a reflection of societal and cultural change, and we adapt our language to encompass the spectrum of gender identity and expression. It is also important to remember that we have all used words that may not be considered by some to be “correct” or “proper” but are still vital and valid in helping us feel connected to our communities and to express and describe our identity, experiences, thoughts, and feelings.
We all have a role to play in validating the identities of non-binary and gender diverse folk in our community and in creating supportive and safe spaces for all. Using gender inclusive and gender-neutral pronouns is affirming and respectful.
