ADHD & Relationships
ADHD traits can look differently for different people. Just like everyone else, one ADHDer’s experience of ADHD might differ from that of another ADHDer.
For ADHDers, the executive functioning part of their brain works differently than those of neurotypical people. Some ADHD traits, such as impulsivity, over-sharing, and having passionate interests can bring some wonder and excitement into relationships. For other people, it can bring conflict and disagreements.
This is particularly relevant if those in the relationship have not yet understood their own or their partner’s experience of ADHD and are seeing the differences as negatives or things that need to be eliminated rather than just acknowledged and better understood. Having a partner who does not understand ADHD can lead to the incorrect assumptions that an ADHDer’s differences are due to them being lazy, selfish, or just unwilling to change. These assumptions can be very hurtful and lead to increased conflict within the relationship.
When in relationships with people who do not understand ADHD, ADHDers might feel like they are constantly being criticised, disrespected, or told that they are unreliable. People who are in a relationship with an ADHDer may sometimes feel ignored, disrespected, or overwhelmed by being the ‘responsible’ one. This can lead to frustration and confusion for both.
Not understanding their own ADHD traits and what works best for them can lead to ADHDers repeating unwanted behaviours or seeing some of their traits as weaknesses. Learning and understanding what ADHD looks like in your relationship(s) can help lead to increased connections and better team work. Learning how your ADHD traits influence different areas of your relationship(s) can help you learn how to respond to your needs and how to express what you need to your partner. Taking the time to learn about your partner’s experience of ADHD can help you learn how to manage your expectations and respond to frustrations in a way that motivates rather than discourages your partner.
This blog post is a brief exploration of this topic and does not replace therapy. At SHIPS, we have practitioners that are knowledgeable and skilled in a variety of areas including sex therapy, relationships and more. If you may benefit from some support, please check out our website resources, or contact us.
We are also always happy to hear feedback about our blog articles. If you would like to share your experience or feel we may have missed something on this topic, please contact us to let us know.
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AUTHOR
Javiera Dastres
Senior Psychologist